Merry Christmas!

Hi, everyone and Merry Christmas!

I thought today would be a good day for an intro to my newest blog since I have a lot to talk about in this first post and I happen to be home for a few more hours before beginning all my holiday fun.

My name is Carey. I am a writer. I am 31 years old. I live in Ohio with my boyfriend and his brother. My day job until my writing takes off is currently a grocery store cashier. And, I have rheumatoid arthritis.

Now, some may see my age and then see the word arthritis and think, "That's not possible. She's too young to have that." Yeah, well, fun fact. RA is an autoimmune condition that attacks your joints. For many people it's in the hands and toes. Maybe the back. Mine is heavily concentrated in my knees and right ankle which makes standing all day at work oh so much fun! (/sarcasm)

In this blog series, I will try to talk about everything. Good days as well as bad. Not so much to whine but to get things off my chest and, hopefully, share my experiences with other people with this condition and show them that it is possible to have a sort of normal life. Changes have to be made and it's a struggle to make them but it's not impossible and you can do it! I will start with the bad but it gets better, though. :)

Last night was awful. I had to work til 1 in the morning. Day before Christmas Eve so the store was insanely busy. The staying up part was hard enough. I'm normally in bed by 11. I may not always sleep then. Sometimes I stay up and read with my little lamp so I don't wake my boyfriend but I'm usually in my jammies and tucked in bed relaxing by 11:00. I had some Mountain Dew which helped. Doesn't help the pain, though. Excessive sugar and salt is very bad for inflammation and I paid for it later. But, the work itself was not bad. Most people were in a good mood considering how busy it was and this crazy time of year. I was able to joke and laugh with people and that made the time go by easier. I was able to focus on my work and not how tired and achy I was becoming.

When 1:00 finally arrived, I punched out, said good bye to the closing girl and limped to my car. I still wasn't in terrible amounts of pain. I mean, it hurt and I was stiff as all heck. But, I've felt worse. I drove home with the radio blaring and singing along with Christmas music on the local pop station. Got home, dragged my bum into the house and then the trouble started.

I wear compression stockings most days. Especially 8 hour days. I should have been wearing them long before but I was told to last summer (2014) after I had a blood clot in my leg. As soon as they came off, my ankle blew up like a balloon and I just wanted to cry. I took a muscle relaxer but it took forever to kick in. I wrote in my journal for a while and then tried to read for a while. My body was exhausted but the pain would not let me relax.

The thing about some people with RA is we put on a mask. So many people don't understand this condition and we get tired of feeling like we have to explain ourselves. So, we put on the happy face and push through it. We fake the happy. And so all the frustration builds and builds until you can't keep it in anymore. So, then you break down. I try not to make it in front of people. Even people I love. I'm embarrassed I have to feel like this. And, I hate to see the pity in people's faces. It just makes me all the more stubborn to keep it in. Last night was one of those nights I couldn't keep it anymore. My boyfriend was snoring so I let myself sob. And sob. And sob. I don't know how long I cried but I eventually wore myself out. And, just as I was about to fall asleep, I felt him put his arms around me. I let the last of my tears slip silently away as I drifted into a fitful sleep. His alarm went off shortly after. (He has a half day today) After he got up, I kind of took over the whole bed and slept for almost 6 hours. I'm still kind of dopey. But, I blame the muscle relaxer for that. I feel out of it the next day after taking one of those.

I have been up for about 2 hours now. Pain levels way down. I took one of my medicines today and I have to take my Enbrel injection probably before we go out for the afternoon or I'll forget. I had been thinking of starting a blog about my experience with this condition for a while but never actually had the time to sit down and start it. So, here I am.

I am not going to let this condition ruin my holiday. I have 4 days off which will be fantastic and very helpful. I won't be resting much. I'll be running around like crazy with visiting and Church. But, as long as I watch what I eat and make sure I don't park my rear all day long, I will be okay when I return to work for the New Years craziness.

Like I said, excessive salty and sugary foods aggravate inflammation. And there will be no shortage of sugar for the holidays. Christmas cookies!! ^_^ But, my mom was all excited when she told me she found a low sodium ham for Christmas Eve dinner. My dad has to be low salt because of his heart so we're all working on it.

I have 2 big things I need to work on in the coming year. Getting serious about cutting the salt. I'm getting a crock pot for Christmas (don't tell anyone I know) so I've been looking up recipes and buying low salt and salt free spices and seasonings. My other thing is cutting the soda pop. I tried a ban with a girl at work that lasted about a month. We're going to try again for Lent in February and hopefully I'll be able to stick to it. This will help me drop some weight as well because being overweight does not help this condition. It's hard to lose it. When you're in pain, you don't exactly want to hit the gym every day. Going for a walk around the block can be a struggle. But, if I start by cutting the pop and the heavily salty foods, that will at least cut the inflammation and pain in my body so I can move more and then I can start to work out more. I am in my sister's wedding in October. I want to fit in a nice dress and I want to be able to dance the night away. Soon after that (I hope) I may be getting married. I don't want to be hurting on my wedding day. I want to party! I want to look amazing in a dress and make Joe's jaw drop when I walk down the aisle. I want to be able to have a fun honeymoon and chase after children. All big motivators.

There is no cure for RA. Remission is possible, though. It's not easy. I've been struggling for about 5 1/2 years now and I've had it!

I hope you'll follow me on this journey. And, if you're going through similar experiences, you will see that there are people who are trying to make life work. You are not alone. What also helped me was looking at groups on Facebook. Having other people to encourage and vent to helps when you don't feel you can talk to your family and friends.

I have to get ready for my day. Have a very Merry Christmas and I will write again soon.

Stay strong!
Carey